Some of these are Funny, some are Serious, but All of them are True!
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My Favorite New Quotes
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Appreciate me now and avoid the rush! :-) |
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Don't talk about yourself, it'll be done when you leave.
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"The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts
of the brain, involved in many kinds of
motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus
controls the 'Four F's': 1. fighting; 2.
fleeing; 3. feeding; and 4. mating."
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Improve your image...be seen with me!
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Caution is not cowardly. Carelessness
is not courage
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Money talks, mine say "Good
Bye"
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Kindness, a language deaf people
can hear and blind see
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The smallest good deed is better
than the grandest intention
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"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."
-Steven Wright
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"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can
prove that you don't need it." -Bob Hope
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What is 6.9? A: A good thing interrupted by a PERIOD
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Q. What's the similarity between a lavatory and a cemetery
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A. When you got to go, you got to go. |
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When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of
many men for the inattention of one - Helen Roland
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Flirtation is attention without intention - Max
O'Neil
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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language..
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
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When someone asks you "A penny for your thoughts", and
you put your two
cents in, what happens to the other penny?
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"Knowing others is Intelligence...Knowing yourself is
True Wisdom...Mastering others is Strength..Mastering yourself is True
Power" - Lao Tzu
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One definition of love is "What another person feels
toward you when you reflect for them a view of what they'd like to think
they are."
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Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think. - Chinese
proverb
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"When people are free to do as they please, they usually
imitate each other."
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Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
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Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places
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Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make
a left.
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Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are
crying.
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"Ability is of little account without opportunity"
~ Napoleon Bonaparte ~
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A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage
and a job after. - Gloria Steinem
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A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool
of yourself, let’s you forget it.
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Insured by the Mafia. You hit me - WE hit you.
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I gave up drinking, smoking and sex. Worst 15 minutes
of my life
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Why be difficult - Be impossible
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Avenge Yourself - Be a problem to your children
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"Humor is chaos, remembered in tranquility." - James
Thurber
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"It is useless to hold a person to anything he says
while he's in love, drunk, or running for office." - Shirley MacLaine
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"Ulcers can't grow while you're laughing." - Anonymous
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"We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh."
Agnes
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"I'm catching up with yesterday. By tomorrow I should
be ready for today."
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Since things get better with age, I am approaching magnificent
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I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate
in it. - Ashleigh Brilliant
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It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when
they refuse to get in line. - Ashleigh Brilliant
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking
at the stars. - Oscar Wilde
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A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy,
and another woman can make a fool of him in twenty minutes.
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A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a
man, the women he couldn't.
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My type doesn't stay around long enough to stay my type.
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Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless
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If life is a stage, I want some better lighting
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Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through
the windows
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Thirty five is when you finally get your head together
and your body starts falling apart.
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Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people
have!
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows
where all the bad
girls live. |
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A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks;
a woman loses hers after four kisses. -- H.L. Mencken
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Give me a reason to stay and I will give u a reason
why you won't leave.
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If I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
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My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor
with a glance.
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By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb
the fence!
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"to do is to be" - Descartes; "to be is to do"- Voltaire;
"doo be doo be doo" - Sinatra |
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"We ignore the ones who adore us and adore the ones
who ignore us"
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I haven't found the right guy yet, but I'm having a
blast with all the wrong ones
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I want a man who loves me for my mind not my body, but
plays with my body
not my mind.
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If you want to control someone sleep with your remote!
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Save your breath for your inflatable date.
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So many men, so few who - can afford me.
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If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
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The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal
classes. - Oscar Wilde
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Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him
for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for
what he is. - Oscar Wilde
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Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful
women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other
women's husbands. - Oscar Wilde
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When a woman marries again it is because she detested
her first husband. When a man marries again it is because he adored his
first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs. - Oscar Wilde
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The Ideal Man should talk to us as if we were goddesses,
and treat us as if we were children. He should refuse all our serious requests,
and gratify every one of our whims. He should encourage us to have caprices,
and forbid us to have missions. He should always say much more than he
means, and always mean much more than he says. - Oscar Wilde
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Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have
a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. -
Oscar Wilde
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The only difference between the saint and the sinner
is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. - Oscar
Wilde
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To have the reputation of possessing the most perfect
social tact, talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as
if he bored you. - Oscar Wilde
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One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything. - Oscar Wilde
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Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account
for the curious attraction of others. Oscar Wilde
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The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology
cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women merely adored. Oscar Wilde
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Even though we can't have all we want, we ought to be
thankful we don't get what we deserve.
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You have the right to remain silent. Anything
you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
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"The only imaginative fiction being written today is
income tax returns."
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"England and America are two countries divided by a
common language." - George Bernard Shaw
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Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
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You should have SEX on days that begin with T:
Thanksgiving Tuesday Thursday Today Tomorrow Taturday? Tunday? Every Thucking day! |
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"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking
at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea." - John Ciardi
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When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?" The correct response
is always, "Do I look stupid?"
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I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it!!! There
are plenty more where YOU came from."
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Love: Two Vowels, Two Consonants and Two Fools
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If you are Rich, I am Single!
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
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If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their
tampons
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Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
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If you're happy and you know it see a shrink
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Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
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I'm pro choice, I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat and
wear fur.
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I want to make love in the worst way - standing up in
a canoe
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If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it
first.
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A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
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The same people who said the Earth was flat wrote the
Bible.
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I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
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Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
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I plead contemporary insanity.
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"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never
incinerated by bolts of lightning."
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When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me,
"Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
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The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the
moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at
the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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"I know the difference between sadist and masochist...
but you're going to have to beat it out of me." - Scott Leiter
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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his
teacher
a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." |
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The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right
beside them knowing you can't have them. |
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Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never
know
who is falling in love with your smile. |
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If a woman knows her price, she must have mentioned
it a few times already
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"Where words fail, music speaks." -Hans Christian
Andersen
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"You know it's love when you can't fall asleep
because reality is better than your dreams." -Anonymous
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"Life: Sitting. Staring. Thinking. Pondering. Hoping.
Dreaming. Wishing. Trying. Realizing. Crashing. Running. Crying. Concealing.
Faking. Smiling. Repeating. " -Anonymous
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Emotion is energy in motion emanated by us all.
Life is a magical mystery tour. Purpose is unraveling infinite eternal
beauty to reach higher and higher, and change the very consciousness we
create together. " -Anonymous
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"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of
doing, while others judge us by what we have already done." -Longfellow
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"Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that
immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object." -Addison
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"Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause."
- Victor Hugo
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"Love is born of faith, lives on hope, and dies
of charity." - Anonymous
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"Friend - a member of the opposite sex in your
acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally
unappealing." -Anonymous
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"A man loses his sense of direction after four
drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses." -H.L.Mencken
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"A conservative is a person who lives in a past
that never existed." -Anonymous
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"Easy: a term used to describe a woman who has
the morals of a man." -The Dictionary of Dating
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"The problem with being punctual is that no one
is there to appreciate it." -Franklin P. Jones
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"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need
to complain." -Lily Tomlin
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"By the time you swear you're his;
Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying... Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying." -Dorothy Parker |
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"When you look in the mirror, what do you see?
The person you once were, or the person you will soon become?" -Anonymous
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"The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness
also keep out the joy." -Jim Rohn
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"Love: two minds without a single thought." -Philip
Barry
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"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't
say it." -Anonymous
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Some folks won't look up until
they are flat on their backs
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Want More? Ok... |
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"Everyone sees who you Seem to be,
few understand who you Really are." -- Machiavelli...
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"The seven ages of man are: spills, drills, thrills,
bills, pills & wills." -- Richard Needham
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dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility." -- Pablo Picasso |
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of circumstances, to choose one's own way." -- Viktor Frankl |
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ceased to live." -- Mark Twain |
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opposed." -- Whitney M. Young |
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when there is nothing left to take away." -- Antoine de Saint-Exup'ery |
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be right but also to be wrong." -- Thomas Szasz |
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same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery |
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permanent." -- Marilyn vos Savant |
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morning". |
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the pessimist fears this is true." |
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undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." - Jay Leno |
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happy." - Robert Anthony |
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love, and something to hope for." - Allan K. Chalmers |
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lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope..." - Kalidasa |
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to satisfy them." John Stuart Mill |
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- Doris Mortman |
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that so it goes on flying anyway." - Mary Kay Ash |
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is getting the biggest piece." |
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cures the disease." - Voltaire |
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you realize what's wrong with it." |
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you very often get it." |
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Drop me a note: Alenushka2@Aol.Com
You Are My Honored Guest # 